Fodder

Life: it's all fodder for my (imaginary) novel. However, since I have no idea what I'm doing, I will probably just leave a crapload of scattered notes for my (imaginary) editor and have him piece it all together post-mortem a la David Foster Wallace.

Here are some tidbits just from the last couple of weeks.

• While enjoying a leisurely walk down the street the other evening, I saw a group of people through in a ground-floor room. The room had windows all the way around, and they were gathered attentively in a circle. I assumed it was a book reading or lecture. I slowed down a bit to check it out, and that's when I noticed the large projection screen at the front of the room. Wait, what is that? OH. IT'S A GIANT VAGINA WITH A BABY'S HEAD COMING OUT OF IT. Guess it's a birthing class, and not a reading. Wasn't ready for that one.

• I took the last bus home the other night. The bus driver got lost and skipped my neighborhood. I did get a private tour of Mt. Vernon, but I gotta say - there's not much going on there at 9:00 on a Thursday night. The bus driver was really apologetic and drove me home...in my very own personal bus. I am totally kicking myself for not asking her to hit the drive-through and the liquor store on the way.

• I do not care what you say. Toe shoes are weird and gross. And this lady had UGGS in her bag. I don't understand. Aren't those furry mammoth-foot boots made for comfort? Why would she need to change into these? To be trendy? But wait, are Uggs not trendy as well? My mind is blown. Also, I would never shop with this person.

• As part of my transformation into the full too-old-to-be-a-hipster-but-kinda-still-acting-like-one lifestyle, I bought a bike. This is my first bike in at least 12 years. The last time I attempted to ride one, my bell-bottoms (yeah, WHAT?) got stuck in something, and I fell into the road on campus. Instead of anyone asking if I was OK, cars honked and laughed as they drove by. But I'm back in the saddle again. I was a little shaky at first, but I got the hang of it after a few minutes. Just like riding a bike...wocka wocka. A gang of kids whizzed by me on their bikes as I was struggling to stay upright. Whatever, I'm older and my bike is totally cooler. Towanda!

• Hmmm, but what if it's questionable?...

Moving 2011: The Finale (Hopefully)

Moving is terrible. Terrible.

The weather never seems to cooperate for my moves. Mother Nature has her panties perpetually in a wad as my boxes are being hauled up and down the stairs. This time I had a personal raincloud.

From Dallas to DC.

That's right. It literally never. stopped. pouring. rain. for. three. days. A little icing on the cake, the windshield wipers broke somewhere in Alabama. So we got to spend a little time at the Penske repair shop in an *ahem* industrial area of town. Sol and I got to spend three hours on a bench in a tiny room. We really tried to make the best of the situation.

We checked out all the awards.

We did creepy body tricks.

And just as I was at my wits' end and about to break down and eat one of the chocolate mini-donuts from the random sack on the counter, I decided to spew my frustration on Twitter. Wouldn't you know it...Penske's Director of Communications and PR actually responded (and on a Saturday). Snaps, Randy Ryerson, you rock. Moral of the story? Vent via Twitter - it gets results.

But moving on to the high points of the road trip:

• Multiple stops for the buttery deliciousness of Hardees' biscuits.
• Road snacks! From Combos to Hostess cakes, nothing unprocessed made its way into the cabin of that truck.
• Ever had a three-day long caffeine buzz? I have!
• Who knew gas stations had so many video choices...