Office Spread: An Overview

Office Spread (or Office Butt) is a very common affliction affecting millions of professionals around the world. Although it can be found in any working adult, it is most commonly found in those employed in the admininstrative, marketing and communications, technology and finance fields.

This condition is typically the result of long spans of time browsing Facebook and emailing cubemates from mesh-covered adjustable office chairs. Usage of buzzwords like "low-hanging fruit" and "target-rich environment" increases the risk of developing Office Spread. In addition, those who work in locations offering monthly or weekly birthday celebrations involving cake and/or ice cream nearly triple their risk.

Before Office Spread

After Office Spread

Signs and Symptoms

The main symptom of Office Spread is an enlarged ass. The condition is named for the spread of the buttcheeks, in some cases actually spilling over the sides of the office chair.

Office Spread can be accompanied by Grandma Arm, a condition in which the upper arm skin continues to reverberate long after a wave has been completed.

In severe cases, FUPA and cankles may develop.

Treatment

The only known treatment for Office Spread is exercise. Unfortunately, many who suffer from this condition develop a treadmill allergy.