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He has decided to skip the commencement ceremony. I don't know...miss the chance to sit outside for hours in 100-degree weather with a buttload of people you don't know, while wearing a baggy polyester dress over your (hopefully) clothes, complete with an awesome matching cardboard hat with a tassel? Oh, and at the end, you get handed a diploma blank piece of paper, all while trying not to fall up and down the stairs? Count me in.
Joe is a super smart cookie, graduating with a philosophy degree. Yeah, yeah, let's have it. I'm sure he's heard it all.
I would just like to say, tease all you want. College is tough, especially when you're a super-star college athlete like my bro. No, for realz!
I just barely beat him out of school...and he's like seven years my junior. So big fist pumps.
Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?
Richard Hayden: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right.
Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
Richard Hayden: I know, they're called doctors.
Richard Hayden: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right.
Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
Richard Hayden: I know, they're called doctors.
And let's not bust too much on the philosophy thing, mkay? There are far less promising options out there.
He could have chosen to major in:
Equine journalism - Now, OK, I majored in journalism, and I'm not exactly playing in mountains of money like Scrooge McDuck. But I can't fathom the reason for spending four years learning how to construct proper sentences solely about Mr. Ed.
Canadian studies - Canada rules, eh? But are they really cool enough to study for four years? Now, I'd be down with Belize studies or Iceland studies. But...Canada? Really?
Bakery science and management - Mostly I'm just pissed because this was not my major. WTF. My entire college career could have been spent eating cupcakes? But seriously, you have to study to manage a bakery? Rule #1: Try not to eat yourself out of business (or into an untimely death). Rule #2: Lock the door when you leave.
Adventure education - This is some hippie, hippie shit here. Where else but in Vermont could you get a college degree in playing outside?
Sports ministry - And then in Kentucky, they put a religious spin on games, where you can learn to read scripture while you swim laps. And you can get a college degree for it.
So in short, congratulations to the final kiddo to graduate from college. Now we can follow our life-long dream and form a kick-ass all-sibling rock band.
He could have chosen to major in:
Equine journalism - Now, OK, I majored in journalism, and I'm not exactly playing in mountains of money like Scrooge McDuck. But I can't fathom the reason for spending four years learning how to construct proper sentences solely about Mr. Ed.
Canadian studies - Canada rules, eh? But are they really cool enough to study for four years? Now, I'd be down with Belize studies or Iceland studies. But...Canada? Really?
Bakery science and management - Mostly I'm just pissed because this was not my major. WTF. My entire college career could have been spent eating cupcakes? But seriously, you have to study to manage a bakery? Rule #1: Try not to eat yourself out of business (or into an untimely death). Rule #2: Lock the door when you leave.
Adventure education - This is some hippie, hippie shit here. Where else but in Vermont could you get a college degree in playing outside?
Sports ministry - And then in Kentucky, they put a religious spin on games, where you can learn to read scripture while you swim laps. And you can get a college degree for it.
So in short, congratulations to the final kiddo to graduate from college. Now we can follow our life-long dream and form a kick-ass all-sibling rock band.
2 comments:
Canadian studies? Seriously? Hockey 101, Hockey 102, Hockey 103...
No offense to any Canadians out there. My step-brother is Canadian. He loves hockey.
eh?
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